Then, 15 weeks later, I ate myself or something like that. Ok, maybe it was all that chocolate and ice cream that I suddenly became so fond of, and now that I'm looking at it, the strips are NOT helping the situation.
So, now that I'm pregnant and look it, people continually ask me, "How are you feeling?". I try to be polite and not whinny, and so I reply, "Oh, pretty good." But here is what I actually should say:
1. Fat! Sometimes like a whale. Other times like a turtle flipped on its shell. Most of the time I feel like an ever expanding Violet Beauregard. You know, the girl in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that eats the gum and blows up like a blueberry.
2. Tired! I wish I could lay on my couch and sleep all day and all night. Sometimes, I want to crawl under my desk at work and take a quick power nap.
3. At times annoyed with our Little Boo that is taking up residence in my body. I mean, yes, most of the time I really love him, but sometimes he is a bully. Like when he decides to repeatedly kick me in the bladder when I already have to pee really badly but can't because I'm in the middle of teaching a class that I don't trust if I leave the room. Or, when he decides to play circus at the exact moment that I decide it's bedtime. Or, most annoyingly, when he decides it's fun to poke me in the bellybutton. Ironically, his dad also thinks that is a fun way to annoy me.
4. Miserable! I never knew it was possible to feel like someone repeatedly punched you in the back as well as feel like someone is attempting to tear apart your rib cage when I've done nothing more than lay on the couch and watch TV.
So, the next time you ask me how I feel, yeah, I'll probably respond with a much more polite answer, but know that there is a much more dramatic and whinny dialogue going on in my head.
