A Plethora of Awkwardness

I'M BACK! Oh jezz, don't you hate me for leaving you awkwardless for two whole months? My apologizes, BUT you are in for a real treat BECAUSE . . . I have a plethora of awkward stories from the past two months.

Awkward Story #1: Never Try to Shake a Blind Person's Hand
Last month some time, I had my first meetings with students and parents without any help from another teacher, SEOPS. The first meeting started off rough; I forgot to do half of the paperwork that I should have, but no worries I was trudging forward regardless. Halfway through the day I had a meeting set-up with a Hispanic student and his mother. The student walked in and sat down at the table alone. His mother awkwardly peered around the corner and shuffled into the room. He spoke to her in Spanish, and I assumed he was just communicating to her to come sit down and join us. She never did, but rather awkwardly walked up to the table (never looking at me) and stood. I assumed that maybe she didn't speak English at all (or not well) and was possibly embarrassed to address me. I was going to be a good, friendly teacher and make her feel comfortable, so I stood up, stretched forth my hand, smiled, and said "Hi, I'm Mrs. Alvey." When she never flinched to look my way, never noticed my hand awkwardly dangling before her, and began talking to me but facing the wrong direction, I realized. SHE IS BLIND! The instant glare from the student said exactly what I was thinking, "Dumbass."

Awkward Story #2: My Bad
Last Friday my first hour class was reading a short story titled, "A Smart Cookie," which is a story told first in English, and then repeated in Spanish. I knew from the "Blind person" incident that there was at least one student in the class that could speak Spanish, and I assumed a few others. I threw the question out to the class for someone that could read the Spanish section to please do so. None would willingly offer. My next action, my brain yelled "Noooo," but my mouth said, "Luis, will you read it?" Ok, in my defince this kid's name is Luisandro Chavez (clearly Hispanic, right?). Yet again, I get another "Dumbass" glare and a briquse retort of "I'm not Mexican. I'm Native." All I could think to say was, "My bad" (awkward smile, quick change of the subject).

Awkward Story #3: Never Pull a Hangnail Before an Important Interview
If you know me well at all you know I have a "horrible" habit of bitting my finger nails and ripping off hangnails. My fingers always look like they have been attacked by a sharp object. When I get nervous the "horrible" habit occurs with much more frequency. Yesterday, I drove up to South Sanpete School District for my very first interview for two English teaching positions. I was naturally EXTREMELY nervous, and thus my habit of attacking my fingers was occuring unstoppably. I sat in the lobby of the district office, waiting to be called in, and that's when I saw it, a hangnail on a finger on my left hand, and I thought "Do not pull it. It will bleed." I pulled it anyway. Of course it started gushing blood, a lot of blood, enough blood to cover my finger and right palm. I spotted a bath room and rushed in to wash it away just as the prinicpal was coming out to get me. When I came out my hands were still pretty wet, but he stuck out his hand to shake mine. Maybe I should have pulle dthe blind card because he looked at my oddly and said, "Wow, your hands are cold." I quickly tried to explain: "My finger started bleeding, so I hurried and washed my hands, and they're still kind of wet." (awkward smile/giggle) Yet again, another "Dumbass" look.

Yep, It's that Time Again . . .

Time for the past week in acrostic.


Trent's 40th birthday party was at Winger's. He's old now.

Husband started classes at Snow College Richfield. He already hates it.

Excited, maybe a little overly excited, about reading The Hunger Games.

Panicked over having to speak in church, and drove my public speaking loving husband insane.

Avoided going to my first scouting meeting. Hey! I had a good excuse; I was babysitting Pais.

Subed for two days for the students I student-taught with. I kind of missed them . . . kind of.

Ticked over Richfield stores' inablity to carry books that I want to read

Was introduced to my self-proclaimed namesake/new niece, Claira Kae. She's adorable!

Eating way too much carmel covered popcorn now that I have a lot of time on my hands.

Earned (ok, really just got, but I needed an 'E' word) a library card. Still couldn't get my hands on that dang book.

Kindled with excitment when Wal-mart finally had The Hunger Games in stock, and have spent the entire day reading it. A day well spent.

Spoke in church on Sunday. Hated every minute of it.

Most Awkward of 2010

Happy New Year (a few days late). James and I look forward to a new year full of new things. Since I've finished school, I'll be on the job hunt this year. Luckily, come February I'll be starting a long-term sub job, teaching 7th grade English. Wish me luck! James is going to be finishing up school this year. YAY! He starts classes tomorrow at Snow College Richfield. We're excited for the events of 2011, but we look back on 2010 with much fondness. Who could forget all those awkward moments we all loved, such as James saying inapproprate things, Chad making uncomforatble phone calls, and my old students critizing my poofy hair? In homage to 2010, I present to you "MOST AWKWARD PEOPLE OF 2010."

#5. Old Guy with Zipper Down on Cruise

As most of you know, James and I got to go on a cruise to Mexico in May, and obviously this is where we had the delight of meeting "Old Guy with Zipper Down on Cruise." "Old Guy" was hard to not notice. He had a fondness for wearing bermuda shorts with cowboyish coats and fancy hats. He also loved to wear very odd, woven shoes with tall socks. And tradgically, he didn't pull up his zipper.

#4. Snooki Look-alike

At a birthday outing to El Mexicano, James and I ran into Snooki. Oh wait, it was just someone who looked just like her. Who in Sevier County (i.e. the middle of NO WHERE) needs to look like this?
#3. Distant Cousin at Alvey Family Reunion

I've meet most of James' extended family, and for the most part they are all perfectly normal people. At a Alvey family reunion we went to this summer, I meet the very awkward distant cousin. Umm... can you say Dungeons and Dragons? All that needs to be said is, as we were going around each introducing ourselves a bit, "creepy distant cousins" felt the need to express his love Lord of the Rings and fantasy books.

#2. Rachel

Rachel and I have been acquaintances for a while now through college classes. There is so much to say about this awkward individual, but two words sum everything up: THEARTER MAJOR. Yes, Rachel is a drama nerd. She also loves to share uncomfortably personal stories, whines about how her students walk all over her, thinks she knows everything about the plight of African-Americans because she once dated one, and desires to have a black baby one day after seeing Blind Side.

#1. Counselor in the Bishopric

James and I have lived in our current ward for about 8 months now. We've recently had two uncomfortably, awkward incounters with one of the counselors of the bishopric. After sitting through an interview where I was called to serve as the Bear Learder (yeah, that's stupid) I became convinced he is autistic. After speaking with him yesterday after church, I'm certain of it. Our conversation went something like this:

Counselor: (In a straight, serious face, NEVER cracking a smile, but looking extremely uncomfortable the whole time) The other counselor left early today because his back was hurting him.

James and I: Smiling and nodding

Counselor: You don't see me going home when my back hurts.

James and I: Feeling uncomfortable

Counselor: (Again, not cracking a smile and looking awkward) I'm being funny. I'm making a joke.

James and I: pretend laughter

P.S. James and I have to speak in church on Sunday, and it's probably going to be the first really awkward moment of 2011. Can't wait!

Oh, and just because, I'll leave you with a few pics from our Holidays.

We're Not Only Awkward, We're Crafty Too

A few weeks ago I was at home during my lunch break, kicking it on the couch, eating a tv dinner, watching Studio 5. Now, I typically can't stand this show, but they were having a "craft corner" type of thing, and I decided it looked sort of interesting, so I proceeded to watch. This is the moment in my life that I sprang a new lifelong (well . . . maybe not lifelong) obsession with crafting. Yeah, I follow six different crafting blogs now, I have a mental list of random crafty things I want to make, we frequent the DI looking for junk we can make over, and I EVEN have a folder on our computer titled "Crafty Folder." OOOooooooo!

So this is the little baby that started it all, my passion for CRAFTINESS!

This horrificly awesome teapot lamp cost a whopping $198.00 at Anthropologie, a store in Salt Lake.

I had to make it, so James and I scoured DI for plates, teacups, and teapots. The ones we found were pretty hidious, something a smelly old women might have in her home, so painting was a must. We ended up with this:

And after several hours (okay maybe only one hour) of this . . .

And luckily only one of these . . .

We ended up with this . . .

And we put it in our living room right here . . . and I pretty much love it.

It only cost us:

$6.00 for the china

$2.00 for the lamp to tear apart

$5.00 for the spray paint

$9.00 for the lamp shade

$9.00 for the bit to drill through the china

Total: $31.00 . . . and a lot of time . . . for James.

We've also made many other crafty things such as these:

An awesome picture frame made from seashells we found on our cruise.

A gun rack for all James' guns. Obviously, I had nothing to do with this.

A random wall hanging made from a stupid book that I hated, a paper bag, and dried flowers from our anniversary.

A cabniet for the plethora of hunting stuff James has. Obviously, I had nothing to do with this either.

And, a sweet background from the same stupid book for our wedding picture.

Trust me there will be more awesome crafting with the Alveys to come!

A Boogie Birthday

James' big 23rd birthday was on Wednesday, and since I've been busy with student teaching stuff since then, this is the first chance I've had to get a "happy birthday" post put up. Wednesday was a long day for me, and James was sick, so our festive spirit kind of flopped, but we still tried to celebrate the day.


We celebrated Boogieface's birthday with a booger-green party. Literally, everything was booger-green. (I'd like to say that I'm corky and thought up this idea well before I bought everything, but I just happened to only be able to find green cupcake wrappers and it spiralled from there.) James' family came over that night to enjoy green sprinkled cupcakes, green punch, and green ice cream all on a green plate.





And YES, I made those cupcakes AND the frosting from scratch. Let's take one more look at that awesome cupcake tier I made.

I love you Boogie, and I hope you had a boogery, awesome birthday.

POEM TIME and You Will LOVE It

I generally hate quotes/poems/song lyrics of any type on blog/Facebook posts (especially the Facebook posts.) I don't care about your most deep, inner thoughts and how you feel they link so brilliantly to a Taylor Swift or Likin Park song. But, I like them on mine. Probably because it's a poem translated by Ezra Pound, and it's brilliant. It's a poem I first read in my Intro to Poetry class at Snow (thanks, Rosier.) I didn't fully grasp it then, but it means a lot more to me now. So give it a shoot. Be patient. Go slowly. Above all, ignore the line breaks for the most part, and no sing-songy voices please.

The River-Merchant's Wife: A Letter

While my hair was still cut straight across my forehead
I played about the front gate, pulling flowers.
You came by on bamboo stilts, playing horse,
You walked about my seat, playing with blue plums.
And we went on living in the village of Chokan:
Two small people, without dislike or suspicion.

At fourteen I married My Lord you.
I never laughed, being bashful.
Lowering my head, I looked at the wall.
Called to, a thousand times, I never looked back.

At fifteen I stopped scowling,
I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
Forever and forever and forever.
Why should I climb the look out?

At sixteen you departed,
You went into far Ku-to-yen, by the river of swirling eddies,
And you have been gone five months.
The monkeys make sorrowful noises overhead.

You dragged your feet when you went out.
By the gate now, the moss is grown, the different mosses,
Too deep to clear away!
The leaves fall early this autumn, in wind.
The paired butterflies are already yellow with August.
Over the grass in the West garden;
They hurt me. I grow older.
If you are coming down through the narrows of the river Kiang,
Please let me know beforehand,
And I will come out to meet you
As far as Cho-Fu-Sa.


Ahhhh, how refreshing, huh? We'll do this again sometime.

And just to lighten up the mood because you know I have a hard time writing a post without cracking some sort of joke about James, well, I jumped on his lap to give him a big kiss tonight, and yeah, he had a huge BOOGER hanging from his nose, and I told him, and he picked it, and it made me gagge, and THAT is why he should be called Boogieface.

The Past Week in Acrostic . . . Literally

What's acrostic, you ask? Well, according to my good friend Wiki acrostic is . . . a poem in which the first letter of each line spells out a word or a message. Here goes.

T aught small children about the destructiveness of drug abuse.

H ated every minute of riding Wicked at Lagoon.

E dgar Allan Poe was the topic of my lesson on Friday, which I loved.

P anicked over James not wearing enough orange on the deer hunt.

A te at the Rice King Buffet for the first time. Gross!

S creeched when the tire blew-out on the way to Lagoon.

T ook in the news that James' brother is going to Mississippi for his mission.

W ore suspenders, pigtails, and huge glasses to complete my nerd costume.

E rected a duct tape flower for my hair for duct tape day.

E xcited over how adorable Paislee and Porter looked in their Halloween costumes.

K icked my very first students out of class!

Porter the biker dude...............Me the nerd...................Pailee the Minnie